In Cognitive Therpy Group we have been talking about productive versus destructive emotions. Last week's topic was resentment versus righteous anger. The outcome to resentment is revenge or medicating with symptoms. Resentment can last forever. It can be passed to the next generation to hold the grudge, and, eventually, exact revenge. Anger, however, when assertively expressed, stops injustice, corrects wrongs and improves relationships. Recovery involves finding and using your voice. Being able to say no, setting healthy limits, and expressing your truth will improve your life and relationships beyond measure.
A simple, but very effective, 4-step assertiveness technique:
1) Describe what happened factually.
2) Express your feelings about it.
3) Ask for what you want to be different.
4) Explain the consequences if things do not change.
- Dr. Kilmer
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Friday, September 30, 2011
Beach tips suggested by the Body Acceptance Group:
- Really see all the different shapes and sizes of people. Don't be unfair and only notice people you think look better than you. See that your size is part of a continuum and there is beauty at ever shape and size.
- Notice that others seem to really enjoy themselves regardless of appearance.
- Look around and see that people are not just staring at each other. They are having fun... playing, swimming, laughing. Join them. There is no audience you must please.
- Assert your needs with the people you are with. Get support to stay out of your head.
- Leave E.D. at home...he wasn't invited today. If he shows up, send him away.
- There is no beauty contest today and they will not be awarding tiaras. If you start comparing or competing, knock it off. The prize today is being at the beach. Everyone there wins.
- Function not form, function not form, function not form. Celebrate what your body can do.
- Play with some children. Play like a child.
- Lose your mind and come to your senses. Feel, smell, move, listen, see, taste. Be here now, think someother time.
- Dr. Kilmer
- Really see all the different shapes and sizes of people. Don't be unfair and only notice people you think look better than you. See that your size is part of a continuum and there is beauty at ever shape and size.
- Notice that others seem to really enjoy themselves regardless of appearance.
- Look around and see that people are not just staring at each other. They are having fun... playing, swimming, laughing. Join them. There is no audience you must please.
- Assert your needs with the people you are with. Get support to stay out of your head.
- Leave E.D. at home...he wasn't invited today. If he shows up, send him away.
- There is no beauty contest today and they will not be awarding tiaras. If you start comparing or competing, knock it off. The prize today is being at the beach. Everyone there wins.
- Function not form, function not form, function not form. Celebrate what your body can do.
- Play with some children. Play like a child.
- Lose your mind and come to your senses. Feel, smell, move, listen, see, taste. Be here now, think someother time.
- Dr. Kilmer
Friday, September 16, 2011
Recovery involves being uncomfortable. Are you willing to tolerate some discomfort to have the life you want, the life where you have true freedom and choice? It is dangerous and untrue when your mind says, "I can't stand to feel...X" or "I can't handle...Y". The truth is that you can tolerate any emotion or sensation involved in recovery. When your mind tells you that you cannot stand ...fullness, weight gain, sadness, losing control...then your only option seems to be to medicate or take desperate measures to escape. That is not necessary. Think of all the difficult things you have tolerated in your life. You can handle discomfort. You can learn new skills and ways to cope. You can recover.
Dr. Rick Kilmer, Cognitive Therapy Group
Dr. Rick Kilmer, Cognitive Therapy Group
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Rick Kilmer, Ph.D.: We have seen a tremendous increase in males coming to ACE for help. Because we now know that dieting is the "Gateway Drug" to eating disorders, with more boys and men dieting or trying to "eat healthy", more are getting hooked by eating disorders and body image struggles. Given the training program we still put boys through to not admit or express feelings, to not be vulnerable, to not ask for help... adding eating disorders to the self-medicating addiction list is not surprising. More and more men struggling with eating and body image issues are finding that they are not alone.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/16/eating-disorders-men_n_928206.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/16/eating-disorders-men_n_928206.html
Male Athletes Struggle With Eating Disorders
Friday, July 15, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Is the plane falling out of the sky?
Rick Kilmer, Ph.D., Cognitive Therapy Group:
I knew a psychiatrist who said he could cure fear of flying in one session. He began by establishing that fear was only appropriate when one is in danger of being hurt or killed. He would then have the patient visualize the flight at different points asking, "Is the plane falling out of the sky?" If the answer was "no", then he'd say, "So you are not in danger...you can relax." As you recover today, if you get anxious or scared, ask yourself, "Is the plane falling out of the sky?" Will food attack you? Will your feelings kill you? Could you release some fear?
I knew a psychiatrist who said he could cure fear of flying in one session. He began by establishing that fear was only appropriate when one is in danger of being hurt or killed. He would then have the patient visualize the flight at different points asking, "Is the plane falling out of the sky?" If the answer was "no", then he'd say, "So you are not in danger...you can relax." As you recover today, if you get anxious or scared, ask yourself, "Is the plane falling out of the sky?" Will food attack you? Will your feelings kill you? Could you release some fear?
Saturday, July 2, 2011
In celebrating independence and freedom, perhaps this would be a good time to take a pledge to your own personal freedom. Can you sign this pledge today?
Declaration of Independence from a Weight Obsessed World:
I, the undersigned, do hereby declare that from this day forward, I will
choose to live by the following tenets:
*I will accept my body in its natural shape and size.
*I will celebrate all that my body can do for me each day.
* I will treat my body with respect, giving it enough rest, fueling it with a variety of foods, exercising moderately and listening to what it needs.
* I will choose to resist our society's pressure to judge myself and other people on physical characteristics like body weight, shape, or size. I will respect people based on the qualities of their character and the impact of their accomplishments.
* I will refuse to deny my body of valuable nutrients by dieting or using weight loss products
* I will avoid categorizing foods as either "good" or "bad". I will not associate guilt or shame with eating certain foods. Instead, I will nourish my body with a balance of foods, listening and responding to what it needs.
* I will not use food to mask my emotional needs.
* I will not avoid participating in activities that I enjoy (i.e. swimming, dancing, enjoying a meal) simply because I am self-conscious about the way my body looks. I will recognize that I have the right to enjoy any activities regardless of my body shape or size.
* I will believe that my self-esteem and identity come from within!
Signature _______________________________________
From; The National Eating Disorders Association.
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/NoWeigh.pdf
Declaration of Independence from a Weight Obsessed World:
I, the undersigned, do hereby declare that from this day forward, I will
choose to live by the following tenets:
*I will accept my body in its natural shape and size.
*I will celebrate all that my body can do for me each day.
* I will treat my body with respect, giving it enough rest, fueling it with a variety of foods, exercising moderately and listening to what it needs.
* I will choose to resist our society's pressure to judge myself and other people on physical characteristics like body weight, shape, or size. I will respect people based on the qualities of their character and the impact of their accomplishments.
* I will refuse to deny my body of valuable nutrients by dieting or using weight loss products
* I will avoid categorizing foods as either "good" or "bad". I will not associate guilt or shame with eating certain foods. Instead, I will nourish my body with a balance of foods, listening and responding to what it needs.
* I will not use food to mask my emotional needs.
* I will not avoid participating in activities that I enjoy (i.e. swimming, dancing, enjoying a meal) simply because I am self-conscious about the way my body looks. I will recognize that I have the right to enjoy any activities regardless of my body shape or size.
* I will believe that my self-esteem and identity come from within!
Signature _______________________________________
From; The National Eating Disorders Association.
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/nedaDir/files/documents/handouts/NoWeigh.pdf
Friday, July 1, 2011
Rick Kilmer, Ph.D. Cognitive Therapy Group
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature...Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure," - Helen Keller.
We humans use many mental tricks to convince ourselves that we are not vulnerable.
People with eating disorders create SUPERSTITIONS to have an illusion of control or safety.
"If I do X... then I can avoid Y."
"If I lose weight...then no one will reject me."
"If I binge...then I won't notice my loneliness."
Think about the areas of your life where your eating disorder has created SUPERSTITIONS to give you the illusion of protection: with romance, social acceptance, family harmony, to cope with emotions, or with success. As you identify and say these SUPERSTITIONS out loud, how do they sound to you?
The truth is that life involves loss. But while pain is mandatory...misery is optional. Our efforts to avoid loss or pain end up creating misery. Our efforts to control, to avoid the risk of getting hurt...result in a compromised life. The more you use your SUPERSTITIONS to be safe, the more likely you are to lose what you love.
Just for today, choose to be less miserable. Release some control. Refuse to obey a rule or superstition of your eating disorder. Fear should be noticed, but not obeyed, when it keeps you from living.
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature...Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure," - Helen Keller.
We humans use many mental tricks to convince ourselves that we are not vulnerable.
People with eating disorders create SUPERSTITIONS to have an illusion of control or safety.
"If I do X... then I can avoid Y."
"If I lose weight...then no one will reject me."
"If I binge...then I won't notice my loneliness."
Think about the areas of your life where your eating disorder has created SUPERSTITIONS to give you the illusion of protection: with romance, social acceptance, family harmony, to cope with emotions, or with success. As you identify and say these SUPERSTITIONS out loud, how do they sound to you?
The truth is that life involves loss. But while pain is mandatory...misery is optional. Our efforts to avoid loss or pain end up creating misery. Our efforts to control, to avoid the risk of getting hurt...result in a compromised life. The more you use your SUPERSTITIONS to be safe, the more likely you are to lose what you love.
Just for today, choose to be less miserable. Release some control. Refuse to obey a rule or superstition of your eating disorder. Fear should be noticed, but not obeyed, when it keeps you from living.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
From: Rick Kilmer, Ph.D.:
Summer is a great time to recover from an eating disorder. Many students have come out of a school year saying, "I never want to go through a semester like that again". Eating disorders take up too much space in your head and your day to accomplish your true potential. Don't wait until right before school starts to get serious about recovery. Start today.
Summer is a great time to recover from an eating disorder. Many students have come out of a school year saying, "I never want to go through a semester like that again". Eating disorders take up too much space in your head and your day to accomplish your true potential. Don't wait until right before school starts to get serious about recovery. Start today.
School’s Ending, Summer’s Beginning. Is Now the Right Time for Eating Disorders Treatment? - The Tru
www.everydayhealth.comWhereas the end of the school year is filled with the stressors of final exams, moving back home from.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)